3 years ago tomorrow. Grace`s birthday

My baby Grace who was born March 24, 2009 should be celebrating her 3rd birthday tomorrow. But she is celebrating her third year in heaven tomorrow instead. My sweet baby Grace was born at 18 weeks and was unable to survive outside of the womb. She did live for 4 1/2 hours after she was born. She was perfect, beautiful, our baby girl who was just born too soon to survive because I had chorioamnionitis.

She was my second loss, but probably the most devastating to me. I never thought a loss would happen to me but never dreamed that I could ever had a second trimmester loss. Not after having to healthy children.

The day I that I delivered Grace will forever be stuck in my mind, and it changed my life forever. It made me a different person. Im not the same person I was before her, nor will i ever be the same again. My life was shattered when I heard the nurse tell me that my water had in fact broken and my baby would not survive outside of the womb. I went numb. I thought it was a nightmare. Then they did an u/s that showed my sweet baby alive and well and kicking. I was given a choice to either have her surgically removed or to deliver her.

Im a strong christian (stronger now in my faith because of Grace) but I told the dr that God gave her to me and he would be the one to decide when she was born and when she went to heaven. Im glad I chose to deliver her and hold her. My husband and I got to spend those very precious 4 hours of her life with her, holding her and telling her how much we loved and wanted her. I would not change that for anything in the world. I also love that my mom and best friend and my pastor got to be there to meet her and hold her. I know she has affected them in some way also.

THree years later I have become a better Christian, a better wife, a better mother to my children, and a better person over all. I learned that life is precious and we are not promised tomorrow. TOday is a gift, Love those that God has put in your life. Im truly blessed by the people God has put in my life to help me through this journey. Im especially grateful for my wonderful dh who has been my rock.

I also have this wonderful network of women who have walked in the same shoes as I who have been there for me good and bad, let me cry, vent, whine, com pain, and have celebrated with me on good days. These women are the closest friends I will ever have. They don't judge me when I cry on a due date, or when a milestone passes, they hug me and understand. Im so incredibly greatful for them, I don't know how I would have gotten through without their love, support, and help. pregnancy loss is not something you can understand or help someone else through unless you have been there and felt the loss and emotions that come along with it. If you ladies are reading this thank you and I love you all.

My life now, is crazy hectic, but I absolutely love it. God blessed me with another beautiful daughter in July of 2010, and I love her more than I can say. I also unfortunately lost another baby at 14 wks 10 months after having our miracle baby. I know that he is up in heaven with his other siblings probably giving the angels grief (if they are anything like their sisters here on earth).

Its been three years and I still miss Grace terribly. I will shed tears for her tomorrow. Actually tears for me, for what I lost, because I know she is in an amazing place in heaven. But I wish I could have her here. I know that my husband and children and I have 4 very special angels up above watching over us. And I take comfort in knowing that one day I will meet them all face to face.

I love you Grace Amber Fozzy and I will never forget your kicks, how you gave me heartburn, and how beautiful you were when you were born. You are my perfect little angel. <3