Havent posted in awhile...

I havent posted anything in awhile so I guess this is overdue.  I have been keeping myself really busy so that I dont sit and dwell on the loss of our precious baby boy.  I have been letting my daughters have friends over so that my house is so crazy I dont even have time to post here.  I know I need to slow down.  I need to realize what is important in life.  And that is spending time with the kids God has blessed me with now because in a blink of an eye they will be grown and off at college.  My oldest will graduate in three years, wow!

My husband is awesome, I dont think I have posted much about him.  He has been my number one supporter through our losses.  And this last one really hit him hard. But he has been amazing in helping me get through them, whatever it takes.  He put up with me while I was in depression (before meds) and I dont know how he did it.  I didnt even want to be around myself. :)  He tolerated me when I went through my shopping phase (well Im still kinda in that phase).  The bad part is that he has learned how to be 100% supportive because we have been through this so many times.  It was rough the first time at 8 wks.  It was more rough at 18 wks.  Seeing my husband hold our very tiny baby girl in his hands and watching him sob absolutely broke my heart, but at least I knew I wasnt alone.  By the time we lost our 3rd baby at 7 wks he had learned how to be supportive in a way that no one else could be.

Last night we went to dinner and he just decided to stop at the electronics store.  He had been secretly shopping for iPads for me.  He just decided that I should have one.  I dont know if it is him just trying to be the best husband ever or if he was trying to make up for the hole that I have been trying to fill with everything else. Anyone who has lost a child knows what Im talking about.  When you lose a child no matter what age it leaves a hole in your heart, a hole that cannot be filled by anything no matter how many things you try.  I have tried trust me.  Or maybe it was just his way of doing something nice for me.  Did I say how awesome he is?  I would never ask for something like that because I would rather spend the money on him or the kids.  It is a really nice gift and I am really thankful..

I am also thankful that the man I thought I didnt have anything in common with has turned out to be the best husband and father I could ever ask for. He accepts me for who I am and doesnt try to change me. Im thankful that after 8 years of marriage I feel like we are in the best place ever.  And that is saying alot if we have made it through 4 losses and many other "storms".  I have seen so many marriages go bad after miscarriages.  I put my thanks in God.  Having a family that prays together and that reguarly attends church and supports each other I believe is the reason we are in a good place.  We both learned to lean on God and in turn it has helped our marriage.

I dont know the point of this.  It seems Im rambling on about how amazing my husband is, instead of talking about loss on here.  But it is all connected really.  Im truly thankful for my husband, my children, my faith in God.