I have been in a valley the last week or so. But I am so looking forward to moving to the top of the mountain again. I have been down, depressed, and just downright sad. I dont know what is making me this way. I dont know if its just being sad over Grace's due date coming up, the fact that trying to get pg again has been unsuccessful, or just a little bit of everything rolled into one big mess..
I hate feeling so down, I want to be up at the top of the mountain. I dont want to be in this slump. I am trying to climb back up and feel like I get halfway up the mountain and slide right back down...
Satan is in my head, telling me "where is your God now", "Why isnt he letting you get pg - he must not want you to have anymore children", "you just arent good enough", "you are being punished". I just wish he would back off and leave me alone. Unfortunately I know that right now so much good has come out of me losing Grace that he really wants to get me down. I am a threat to him, and having another child and raising that child in the church would also be a threat to him. Of course he wants me to give up! I just cant let him get me to give up. I know that we have to fight him back, but there comes a point where I am just tired of fighting. Im tired of having to struggle with him in my head! I do order him to go away and he does, but he ALWAYS comes back to plant those doubts in my head..
God I need YOUR strength right now, I need you to help me fight off these attacks from Satan. I know that his main objective is to get me to fall away from my faith. I know that he thinks I am a threat and that he wants to make me fall. I know that is why I am in this "valley" right now. I need help to fight him off because right now I am vulnerable. Please help me raise out of this "funk" that I am in and help me see the beauty all around me. Help me to be where I need to be, help me to be happy again, and please shield me from the attacks from the evil one. My life is yours God. I want to do everything you ask me. But right now the connection seems to me a bit murky. I know that is because that is what Satan wants. He wants me to be confused and think you left me. I KNOW that you are with me and that you have never left me even in the times I cant "feel" you. I need YOUR help because it is only thru you that I will reach the top of the mountain. Please Lord show me the right path, show me that you are in fact still with me. Thank you for all the blessings you have given me Lord. In Jesus name I pray.. Amen.
Satan get behind me because Jesus is beside me.
I read your posts in amazement at the fact that they are as if I could have written them myself. Satan is definitely opportunistic and uses our weakened state to try and sway us in our beliefs. I pray that you continue to recognize this and stand firm. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteWhat then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom 8:31
I agree...it's been almost 6 months since we lost our beautiful Bryanna, and while some days are great the past week and a half has been..excuse me but hell. My anxiety is back and I just can't seem to move through it. My husband said soon there will be a baby in my belly and I told him "No, I can't keep it safe." So heartbreaking to know I felt that way. I'm such a mess right now. They say it gets easier and for awhile it did, but I feel like I'm right back at square one right now. I wonder how do I even begin to move on and prepare to start trying again when I'm such an anxious mess right now. I'm with you on the Satan thing as well. I've been told so many times I did nothing to cause this and I know that, but at the same time I can't get that thought out of my head. I also sit here and wonder what I did to deserve this punishment. Hang in there hun...we both need to...
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