Today I had a revelation...

So I was thinking about testing tomorrow morning to find out if I am indeed pregnant again. Everything is kinda pointing in that direction but I have yet to get a + pregnancy test.. Im sooooooooo nervous about seeing a - again.. I dont know how I am going to sleep..

Well anyway I was thinking about all that has happened and what would we name another baby if God chooses to bless us with one... And it came to me - if we get pg and its a girl we will name her Faith Katherine. Faith because faith is the only thing that has gotten me through the rough patches. Katherine because it was my grandmothers middle name and I loved her dearly.. What a beautiful name that would be. A boy I have no idea, but a girl is definitely Faith...

Am I getting ahead of myself here? I havent even gotten a + pg test yet and I am saying that I have a name for a girl already. Maybe its my way of being hopeful?! I dont know my head is so messed up right now.

I have faith that everything will work out for the best. My faith was really shaken with my first loss in October 08, but it was definitely strengthened when I delivered Grace. I have felt closer to God than ever...

I believe that he is giving me the strength to make it through.. I also believe that he has given me a special gift that I may stay on the pregnancy loss board and give support to those who are hurting and need the most support. Most girls cant stick around there because it keeps them from "moving forward". It however doesnt bother me at all. My heart breaks for the new girls that come on the board every day. I wish that no one had to experience a pg loss, m/c or an infant loss. Its an awful thing to have to go thru, and really hard to "survive"

I know that God gave me the special gift to be able to stick around and help these ladies in the time they need it the most.. It has to be from him, because there is no where else that it would come from. God has changed me so much during the last year. A year ago I was a different person. I can say that I have changed for the better but I would rather not have gone thru my losses.

I am so glad that I have been able to "see" God during this... I dont know how people get through it without knowing Him..

May God Bless every woman who is going thru, about to go thru, or has been through a pregnancy loss, miscarriage, or infant loss. Grant them the strength and comfort that only you can provide.. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.